#6 "All That I Had" by Paul Westerberg

The other day my son asked me if I'd be sad when Bob Dylan died. It's a long story about how we got on that topic in the first place, but my answer was, "You know... I'll certainly be sad. It's Bob Dylan, for cryin' out loud! When Paul Westerberg dies though... that's what will really knock me out."

Paul Westerberg was the creative force behind the legendary Replacements. They were the band in the mid-eighties who Rolling Stone claimed "would save rock-n-roll" but were such a ramshackle drunken mess that they never made it big. And whether it was low expectations, too many substances, or just plain old bad luck, The Replacements ended up imploding and Paul Westerberg, also called the best songwriter of his generation, went his own way and embarked on a solo career that to many has probably been as disappointing as his earlier failures.

I first took notice of PW when he contributed two songs to the "Singles" soundtrack in 1990. To this day I can't say what it was, but something about "Dyslexic Heart" and "Waiting for Somebody" sucked me in. I started listening to all of the great old Replacement albums and it wasn't long until Westerberg put out his first solo effort, "14 Songs." As much as I liked what PW was doing, and as much critical praise as he continually received, his career never really took off. After gaining then losing a major record deal in the mid-nineties, Paul kind of dropped off the Earth for a while, holed up in his Minneapolis home somewhere. A few years later he emerged with a bunch of one man home recordings, all beautifully raw and heart-breakingly honest. For my money, it was the best work he had ever done.

The reason Westerberg is so hailed by critics is for his lyrics. He's written some incredible songs about angst, disappointment, and regret. I once read a comment that said something to the effect of "Paul Westerberg never forgot what it was like to be 16 and broken-hearted." His older songs like "Unsatisfied" and "Sixteen Blue" speak beautifully to that. His lyrics are also loaded with great wordplay and he constantly turns cliches inside-out. "All That I Had" is an example of this.

The song starts off with the line "King and Queen." What's your Rorschach response to that? Something about royalty? Me too. What's the next line? "Full and twin." Brilliant and typical PW smart-ass. The song goes on to basically be about aspiring for something that once seemed right, but ultimately turns out to be all wrong and maybe even a sell-out on the things that actually had depth and meaning for you. He talks about constantly reaching for things and that life is either "simple or it's impossible. You're always half empty. You ain't never half full." There's a powerful moment of self-criticism when he says, "I didn't follow my dreams. I lost the map. I lived my fantasy instead, 'till I found it was a trap." That's what so great about PW. He's brutally and unflinchingly honest so much of the time. I admire his courage in saying those things... AND to a mass audience too. And the title/chorus? Typically when someone says "I gave all that I had" you think about giving your all. In this song, though, I think it means "I gave it all away. I f*cked up... but I realize it now. "I'm doing fine."

"All That I Had" can be found on the compilation "Besterberg." To hear the song, click on the icon in the widget jukebox along the side of the blog.